The majority of countries around the world have made their drinking age 18. In the United States, the drinking age is strictly 21. It is very illogical that individuals in the United States can be seen mature enough to vote, fight in war and serve alcohol yet they are prohibited from drinking alcohol themselves. This problem is becoming more serious than intended because a restriction is not a limitation to those younger than the age of 21, it is a temptation. Giving in to this temptation leads to exceeding the appropriate and acceptable limit. By lowering the drinking age, this problem can be resolved. Lowering the drinking age to 18 can be an effective approach to the problem of alcohol abuse. It can result in the attitude, “It’s legal. Whatever, it’s no big deal.” The fact that consuming alcohol is illegal makes drinking more appealing to the younger population. Peer pressure to drink excessively and the temptation to go over an appropriate amount of alcohol can potentially be limited.
Belgium, Greece, Germany, Spain, and Norway are five of the twelve countries that have a drinking age of 16 years old. Australia, Croatia, China, Nigeria and Israel are five of about eighty-three countries that have a drinking age of 18 years old. These countries are able to deal with the reality that teens, just like adults, drink. If by 18, or even 16 years old in some countries, you are treated as an adult, what is the major concern, if you have a drink or two? Becoming an adult comes with responsibility of knowing what is right or wrong. In the United States, 18 year olds can be viewed as full adults but when it comes to drinking, they are still minors.
In the United States, marriage is allowed at the age of 18. You can be mature enough to make the decision of getting married yet you can not consume a sip of alcohol? In addition, cigarettes can be purchased at the age of 18. In the long-run smoking is extremely harmful and leads to thousands of deaths every year. While 18 year olds are allowed to use something that is so deadly, they are unable to consume alcohol that actually may have fewer side effects. If the overall maturity age in the United States seems to be 18 years old, it should be consistent, including the drinking age as well. Drinking is thought of as being a dangerous and wrong thing to do in the United States, because of how the law makes it seem. It is of course wrong to abuse drinking, but it is not a fatal action to have just one drink.
Statistics show that 75% of high school students consume alcohol by the end of their senior year. 41% of students claim to have consumed alcohol by 8th grade. So, is this drinking age law really working? If anything, it is making matters worse. Why would students in junior high school drink? They may have casually had a drink with family or possibly at an event or gathering or, they may have drank purposely to fulfill their curiosity about drinking. Even children want to rebel against the law, not only teens.
There is a big flaw in the drinking age law. It is understandable that the country would want to decrease drunk driving accidents and other alcohol related misfortunes but just because the law says something does not mean people are going to follow it. The theory that everyone follows the law is not a reality, but a utopia. It is important to consider the real actions of people and obeying of the law. The temptation leading to illegal drinking is only caused by what the law states.
1 a) this essay is going to be about the drinking age B) The writer is taking the position of lowering the drinking age to 18 C) The introduction hooks my attention by mentioning that the drinking age is just a temptation to those who are illegal to drink D) I would add some facts, and statistics in the introduction, also make the first sentence your thesis sentence. 2. The authors arguments are: lowering the drinking age is an effective way to stop alcohol abuse, peer pressure would be limited if its lowered to 18, you can get married, buy cigarettes at 18. 3. The authors counterarguments are: Drinking to much alcohol is bad for you, it can kill you. 4. a) The writer deals with the opposition kind of good, if she adds a little more counterarguments it would be better. B) I believe that the writer’s strongest point is mentioning all the countries whose drinking age is 18 and comparing them to the United States. C) The writer’s weakest point are the counterarguments. There needs to be more of an counterargument, also put some statistics in the introduction. D) Yes, the points of the arguments are in the most effective manner. E) Another argument you can make is that you can vote at 18, go to war, buy a handgun, get a tattoo, and gamble in some states. F) Another counterargument you can make is that drinking makes you impaired when consumed a lot. You can do idiotic stuff after drinking. 5) The drinking age in the United States should be lowered to 18. 6) “The majority of countries around the world have made their drinking age 18.” REVISED: The drinking age in the majority of the countries around the world is 18. “While 18 year olds are allowed to use something that is so deadly, they are unable to consume alcohol that actually may have fewer side effects.” REVISED: If 18 year olds are allowed to use something deadly, like cigarettes, why are they unable to consume alcohol that has less side affects? 7) I would add a picture between the introduction paragraph and the body, Also add some counterarguments and the essay would be good. DIGITAL OBJECTS: The images in the essay are really good. They make perfect sense and shows what she is talking about throughout here essay. The first picture is perfectly placed and it’s good that it’s the first thing for your project. I would put a picture between the introduction and the first paragraph of the body. By doing so it gives you a break in between paragraphs, and makes it exciting. In the movie, I like how it shows underage drinkers explaining why there drinking and showing that they are mature. The length of the movie is too long; there are a lot of parts that can be edited out. It got a little boring at the end because it was too long. It’s a nice video but I would add a lot more. The interview should just be one part of the video not the entire video. There should be some slides about your topic with background music. And if there is a way that you can increase the volume it would be good.
The thesis can be more straight to the point. You could have started the thesis with the thesis: “The drinking age should be changed from 21 to 18”. The essay does prove its argument in some ways but it has more questions then real statistics. These questions tend to have answers that are in a way dealt with by the writers opinion. The essay does not show a way in which the writer would make this law legal as well. For ex: You could have added ways in which this law would make young adults go through specific tests in order to be allowed to drink alcohol. Or would you just let 18 year olds drink? Also, in your argument, you show specific countries that have teens at the age of 16 drinking.. Why don’t you change the drinking age to 16? This could be another static that 16 year olds would use to make the laws “fair” which would allow them to drink alcohol as well. The visuals on the essay page were good. The essay was organized in an appropriate manner, and did in fact show some counterarguments as well as arguments. Minor sentence structures that could have been rephrased: PARAGRAPH 1—“It is very illogical that individuals in the United States can be seen mature enough to vote, fight in war and serve alcohol yet they are prohibited from drinking alcohol themselves” Since this is your opinion, you should structuralize it like this: “In my opinion, it is illogical that individuals… Paragraph 3- “So, is this drinking age law really working?” You can change this to: “This is where we begin to question.. Is this 21 year old drinking law really working?”
VIDEO In my opinion, the choice of video was well thought. Demonstrating 3 teenage drinkers and questioning them would be very useful for an argument. I would prefer some more visuals in your movie. You could have added some written text, or something that had to do with drinking and partying. This would make the video more interesting. After minute 2:25, I got kind of bored because the video seemed as if it was just going back and forth. Some parts could have been cut out. Overall, the video was fine. It did represent your argument and exemplifies the right idea.
Your thesis could be more direct. Maybe you could say that the drinking age should be lowed from 21 to 18, and then combine the two sentences you already have. I like that you used several countries that have there ages to be less than the U.S. and also that you found some that have it lower than what you want so it seems quite reasonable. Your arguments are pretty clear and your essay is well organized, but I don’t really see your counterarguments other than it can reduce drunk driving. Other than that I think your essay is pretty good. The first picture is great way to open your essay; it perfectly shows what your argument will be about. Your cartoon I think is funny because its true regardless of the law people still do what they want, so it really supports the point you make in your paper. The point of your video was good, but I think parts of it could be cut out though. Also you could have added more clips on things that you stated in your essay.
1 a) this essay is going to be about the drinking age
ReplyDeleteB) The writer is taking the position of lowering the drinking age to 18
C) The introduction hooks my attention by mentioning that the drinking age is just a temptation to those who are illegal to drink
D) I would add some facts, and statistics in the introduction, also make the first sentence your thesis sentence.
2. The authors arguments are: lowering the drinking age is an effective way to stop alcohol abuse, peer pressure would be limited if its lowered to 18, you can get married, buy cigarettes at 18.
3. The authors counterarguments are: Drinking to much alcohol is bad for you, it can kill you.
4. a) The writer deals with the opposition kind of good, if she adds a little more counterarguments it would be better.
B) I believe that the writer’s strongest point is mentioning all the countries whose drinking age is 18 and comparing them to the United States.
C) The writer’s weakest point are the counterarguments. There needs to be more of an counterargument, also put some statistics in the introduction.
D) Yes, the points of the arguments are in the most effective manner.
E) Another argument you can make is that you can vote at 18, go to war, buy a handgun, get a tattoo, and gamble in some states.
F) Another counterargument you can make is that drinking makes you impaired when consumed a lot. You can do idiotic stuff after drinking.
5) The drinking age in the United States should be lowered to 18.
6) “The majority of countries around the world have made their drinking age 18.” REVISED: The drinking age in the majority of the countries around the world is 18.
“While 18 year olds are allowed to use something that is so deadly, they are unable to consume alcohol that actually may have fewer side effects.” REVISED: If 18 year olds are allowed to use something deadly, like cigarettes, why are they unable to consume alcohol that has less side affects?
7) I would add a picture between the introduction paragraph and the body, Also add some counterarguments and the essay would be good.
DIGITAL OBJECTS:
The images in the essay are really good. They make perfect sense and shows what she is talking about throughout here essay. The first picture is perfectly placed and it’s good that it’s the first thing for your project. I would put a picture between the introduction and the first paragraph of the body. By doing so it gives you a break in between paragraphs, and makes it exciting. In the movie, I like how it shows underage drinkers explaining why there drinking and showing that they are mature. The length of the movie is too long; there are a lot of parts that can be edited out. It got a little boring at the end because it was too long. It’s a nice video but I would add a lot more. The interview should just be one part of the video not the entire video. There should be some slides about your topic with background music. And if there is a way that you can increase the volume it would be good.
The thesis can be more straight to the point. You could have started the thesis with the thesis: “The drinking age should be changed from 21 to 18”. The essay does prove its argument in some ways but it has more questions then real statistics. These questions tend to have answers that are in a way dealt with by the writers opinion. The essay does not show a way in which the writer would make this law legal as well. For ex: You could have added ways in which this law would make young adults go through specific tests in order to be allowed to drink alcohol. Or would you just let 18 year olds drink? Also, in your argument, you show specific countries that have teens at the age of 16 drinking.. Why don’t you change the drinking age to 16? This could be another static that 16 year olds would use to make the laws “fair” which would allow them to drink alcohol as well. The visuals on the essay page were good. The essay was organized in an appropriate manner, and did in fact show some counterarguments as well as arguments. Minor sentence structures that could have been rephrased: PARAGRAPH 1—“It is very illogical that individuals in the United States can be seen mature enough to vote, fight in war and serve alcohol yet they are prohibited from drinking alcohol themselves”
ReplyDeleteSince this is your opinion, you should structuralize it like this: “In my opinion, it is illogical that individuals…
Paragraph 3- “So, is this drinking age law really working?”
You can change this to: “This is where we begin to question.. Is this 21 year old drinking law really working?”
VIDEO In my opinion, the choice of video was well thought. Demonstrating 3 teenage drinkers and questioning them would be very useful for an argument. I would prefer some more visuals in your movie. You could have added some written text, or something that had to do with drinking and partying. This would make the video more interesting. After minute 2:25, I got kind of bored because the video seemed as if it was just going back and forth. Some parts could have been cut out. Overall, the video was fine. It did represent your argument and exemplifies the right idea.
Your thesis could be more direct. Maybe you could say that the drinking age should be lowed from 21 to 18, and then combine the two sentences you already have. I like that you used several countries that have there ages to be less than the U.S. and also that you found some that have it lower than what you want so it seems quite reasonable. Your arguments are pretty clear and your essay is well organized, but I don’t really see your counterarguments other than it can reduce drunk driving. Other than that I think your essay is pretty good.
ReplyDeleteThe first picture is great way to open your essay; it perfectly shows what your argument will be about. Your cartoon I think is funny because its true regardless of the law people still do what they want, so it really supports the point you make in your paper. The point of your video was good, but I think parts of it could be cut out though. Also you could have added more clips on things that you stated in your essay.